Why is Team USA so bad at basketball?

Written by Noah Gagnon

Damian Lillard, Bradley Beal, Jayson Tatum, Kevin Durant, Bam Adebayo, and 0-2!!! How does that happen? Did the Chinese drug our entire basketball team? Did the Russians hack into our player’s brains? Did some Thunderstruck shit happen and someone stole our boy’s talents? We put up 83 points against Australia! Lost to Nigeria! This is an embarrassment to our great Nation! Kidding. It’s exhibition basketball, it’s not a big deal at all.

In case you were wondering, we’re still -430 to win gold. And it’s still the safest bet in all of sports. There’s not a Doubt in my mind that we’re gonna rout every team by 40 when it comes down to it in Tokyo. Our group consists of France, Czech Republic, and Iran. Iran. No disrespect, but I didn’t even know they had basketball in Iran. According to Google their best player is Hamed Haddadi, a 36-year-old, 7’2 center. Respect for being 7’2, but I think Bam Adebayo should be able to handle him. So, if we need any tune-up games I think we’ll be able to get right in the Iran matchup.

But to get mad for a second, Would Michael Jordan ever let this happen? Kobe Bryant? I don’t think so. This Durant guy just isn’t a LEADER. He can’t be the number one guy on a team and lead them to greatness, hell he can’t even beat Nigeria. The funny thing is there are actually idiots on Twitter saying things like this. If Kevin Durant wanted to he could beat Australia by 25 on his own. He’s probably just mourning the Conor McGregor loss like the rest of us.

About the author

Noah Gagnon

19-year-old student. MMA Enthusiast. 2014 Bedminster Middle School Boys Mile Run Second Place. BJJ White Belt. Kind Guy.