Boston Bruins

WATCH: The Boston Bruins Are Inventing New Ways to Suck at the Shootout

The Boston Bruins are SO BAD at the shootout that they’re electing to not even shoot anymore. Brad Marchand gets paid millions of United States dollars to piss people off and score hockey goals. Tonight he was having none of that in the shootout. Just decided to over skate the fuck out of the puck and head home. The beautiful thing, Bruins fans, is that we’ll be seeing that clip for the rest of our lives. Game on the line, have to score to keep the shootout going, and Brad Marchand chooses to….

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*BOOP* the puck. Just a lil button touch. Hard to blame him though. 18,000 people watching, 4 guys in burglar outfits with whistles watching his every move, a dude wearing pillows willing to do anything to take that puck away from him standing 90 feet away. If I were Marchand, I’d have done the same thing.

In all seriousness though its embarrassing how bad this team is in the shootout. Even worse that they were leading this game 5-2 at one point. I just don’t know how a 40 goal scorer in the NHL fucking MISSES THE PUCK ENTIRELY on a shootout attempt. Now excuse me, I’m grabbing my parka and heading to hell via flying pig.

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