UFC

UFC 267 for Dummies

Written by Noah Gagnon

The UFC returns from Abu Dhabi this weekend, and the card is unreal. Two titles are on the line, some of the sports hottest prospects are fighting, and its all FOR FREE. The UFC decided to air this one on Network ABC, instead of the traditional Pay-Per-View, which is awesome for broke college kids like me. Oh, and important note, this card is happening at 2PM on Saturday, a little afternoon matinee if you will lolz.

So, if you’re gonna be watching this one, but you’re more of a casual MMA fan, here’s the basics you need to know so you don’t sound like a complete dummy when you’re watching the card in a social setting. And if you’re like me and watching alone like a sad sack of shit, you can still know what to watch for. Here’s UFC 267 for dummies.

Khamzat Chimaev vs Li Jingliang

Not to be mean, but Li Jingliang is completely irrelevant in this fight. It’s what they call a ‘stepping-stone’ fight where a hot prospect gets to beat someone up in a big moment to but his name out there, and that hot prospect is Khamzat Chimaev. Khamzat is another European destroyer, and with a 9-0 record, he’s one of the UFC’s top prospects. He knocked his last opponent out in 17 seconds.

The interesting thing about Khamzat is that in the blink of an eye, he went from one of the UFC’s most active fighters, to its most inactive. In 2020, this animal fought twice in ten days. That’s unheard of. But, then he came down with the sniffles, AKA Covid, and decided that his loss of taste and smell, headache, and stuffy nose was enough to call it a career, and he ‘retired.’ Clearly, that retirement lasted all of two minutes, and he’s back this weekend. With a win, his hype train will be right back on track.

Islam Makachev vs Dan Hooker

Again, not to be a rude, but this one isn’t about Dan Hooker. Islam Makachev is another one of the UFCs hottest prospects, and he’s looking to vault himself into the top 5 of the division in this fight. Remember Khabib? Well, Islam Makachev is basically the second coming of him. He goes in there, wrestles his opponents to death, and dominates in the most uncomfortable way possible. Khabib is Islam’s head coach, and they’re literally the exact same fighter. If you liked Khabib, you’ll love Islam. They even look the same.

Petr Yan vs Corey Sandhagen

If you’re a fan of great fighting, this fight is for you. And if you’re a fan of complete scumbags who love to rip my heart out, this fight is also for you. Yes, both of these guys have brutally dominated all of my favorite fighters in the past, but I guess that’s not important to you. This is the card’s co-main event, and the interim Bantamweight title is on the line.

Originally, Petr Yan was supposed to fight current champion, Aljamain Sterling, in a rematch of their controversial title fight, but Sterling was pulled from the fight after undergoing neck surgery. So, Sandhagen stepped in on short notice and is looking to take the belt for himself.

Interestingly enough, Sandhagen is actually coming off of a loss in his last fight, but many people, myself included think the guy won the fight. The point being, if someone brings up the fact that Corey lost his last fight, tell them to clam it. He’s more than deserving of this title fight. Sandhagen is a long, lengthy, and powerful fighter who uses his crisp striking to terrorize his opponents. He’ll most likely look to keep this fight on the feet, and use his size advantage to knock Yan out.

Yan on the other hand, is a straight Russian bully. He’s just mean. You look at the guy and he just seems like the type of fella who would really enjoy sticking your head in a toilet bowl and flushing it in your face. He once claimed that as a kid in school he would get in a fight between every single class. What an animal. As a fighter, there’s really nothing he can’t do well. He’s a powerful striker, elite grappler, and his only UFC loss came via disqualification. His biggest weakness is honestly just how freaking mean he is.

Yan is a -260 favorite in this fight.

Jan Błachowicz vs Glover Teixiera

In the main event, the light heavyweight championship will be on the line, and this fight is awesome. The champ, Jan Blachowicz is looking to defend his title for the second time against veteran Glover Teixiera.

Jan is called “The Polish Power” for a reason. He has BOMBS for hands, and if he connects on Glover, that’s most likely the end of the fight. In my opinion, Jan is one of the most underappreciated champions in the UFC. So, with a win here, he might finally be talked about amongst the elite of the sports champions.

But, I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t rooting for Glover in this one. Don’t get me wrong, both guys are outstanding people, and I love them both. No scumbags in this one. But, Glover has been in the ufc FOREVER, and he’s fought everyone. From Jon Jones, to Gustaffson, to Rumble Johnson, Glover’s just a true vet of the game. And at age 42, this is most likely his last chance to claim the belt that’s evaded him for his entire year. Basically, if Glover wins this fight, you should cry.

Jan is a -300 favorite on Saturday.

So, I hope you read this and educated yourself, and who knows, maybe you’ll impress a nice lady with your knowledge. I KNOW I WILL. Enjoy the fights!

About the author

Noah Gagnon

19-year-old student. MMA Enthusiast. 2014 Bedminster Middle School Boys Mile Run Second Place. BJJ White Belt. Kind Guy.