The Earth is burning a fiery death right now

Written by Noah Gagnon

A pipe just burst in the Gulf of Mexico and I really think this could be it for humanity. We’ve had a good run, 2021 years, we figured out things like pizza and bluetooth, but we’re done. Look at this thing, screw a pipeline, this has to be the aliens sending us a signal that our days are numbered, right?

How do we recover from this? It’s literally a fire-whirlpool-tsunami in the middle of the ocean. Could you imagine being a fish caught in that thing? What a way to go out, honestly. If you’re some asshole trout in the middle of the Gulf, chances are you spend your final moments flopping on the deck of some lawyer’s boat with a 7-inch hook in your mouth. So, to go out in a blaze of glory in the middle of an ocean explosion is a pretty decent death by comparison.

Also, the whole fire in the ocean thing really makes no sense to me. Doesn’t water put out fire? So how is there fire in water? And are they just spraying more water on the water to put it out? Seems a bit redundant, but ok. Whatever the case is, I’m pretty suspicious about this whole “pipeline burst.” It’s either god, the aliens, or the government trying to distract us, because this thing is too cool to be the result of oil in the ocean.

About the author

Noah Gagnon

19-year-old student. MMA Enthusiast. 2014 Bedminster Middle School Boys Mile Run Second Place. BJJ White Belt. Kind Guy.