The Dallas Cowboys Have Ruined Yet Another Thanksgiving

Written by Noah Gagnon

Around this time last year, I took to this very website and wrote about how the Dallas Cowboys ruined my Thanksgiving. And here I am, one year later, once again having my holiday ruined by this team. I love Thanksgiving! Family, turkey, stuffing, sides, it’s sensational! The only, and I mean THE ONLY problem with this day is this stupid freaking Dallas Cowboy team. I am physically ill over this loss. I’m sweating profusely, I’m lightheaded, my heart is pounding, and my hands are shaking. CAN WE JUST WIN A GAME?????

I know I bash McCarthy after every Cowboys loss, but he really deserves it after this one. We’re the most penalized team in the league BY FAR, and it could not have been more obvious than today. We consistently couldn’t get off the field because of dumb penalties, the most fatal one coming on third and 18 in overtime because the DB didn’t turn his head around. That’s a joke, and it’s 100% on the coaching, it just is. In that scenario, the DBs should know to not commit a penalty under any circumstance, let alone a blatantly obvious one.

This game was a complete ref show, no doubt, but I can’t even blame them for the loss because they were horrible for both sides. Their worst offense was making this game take up what seemed like 100,000 hours, and made me sit in a borderline schizophrenic state for half my thanksgiving.

On top of the unbelievable lack of discipline that’s plagued this team all season, McCarthy still has no grasp on challenges and timeouts. He didn’t use all three timeouts at the end of the second half, and when we forced a blatant turnover in the first half, the guy didn’t even consider challenging it. In a close game like this a turnover in the first half would’ve been MASSIVE, but this idiot didn’t even think about throwing the challenge flag.

Oh yeah, and he idiotically elected to kick a 59 yarder after the kicker missed an extra point. It didn’t end up hurting us, but it was just such an unbelievably stupid decision.

On top of Mike, Greg the leg really screwed us today. If he makes that first extra point we win this game. Plus, he missed the 59-yarder after that. I know it’s a 59-yarder so it’s tough to blame him, but then again, who else is there to blame? Make the kick, you know?

Dak and Zeke were both horrible today too. The more I think about it, the more I recognize that it’s a complete miracle that this game even went to overtime. It seemed like Zeke would get tackled a half second after he touched the ball on every carry, and Tony Pollard completely outshined him (shoutout Tony.) And, while Dak made some unbelievably clutch throws today, he also had some unbelievably unclutch misses. That third-down miss in overtime was literally a dagger to all of my hopes of even remotely enjoying my holiday. He’s gotta make that throw.

So yeah, the Dallas Cowboys are probably the thing I care about most in life, but it really is just such an abusive relationship. I love them, care for them, give them my everything, and in return, they just beat me over the head with an overwhelming wave of pain and depression. I will not be happy for the next week.

My family’s currently sitting around a table, laughing, smiling enjoying each other’s company, and I’m sitting in a dark room by myself ranting about how this stupid football team has ruined my life for the last 20 years. I know it’s every man’s dream to have that father/son football bonding with their children, but I’m just so remarkably uninterested in that. Like, when I have children I’m gonna shield them from NFL football like it’s a video of their conception.

Why should anyone become a football fan? Unless you’re gonna root for a team with Tom Brady on it, you’re just signing yourself up for a lifetime of misery, depression, and wishing you rooted for a different football team. I hate the Cowboys, I wish I never started watching them, and I’d really appreciate it if they stopped ruining my Thanksgiving’s.

That being said, If we have Amari and CeeDee we definitely win that game, and I am ready to be hurt again come the playoffs.

About the author

Noah Gagnon

19-year-old student. MMA Enthusiast. 2014 Bedminster Middle School Boys Mile Run Second Place. BJJ White Belt. Kind Guy.