The Cowboys are too good and it scares me

Written by Noah Gagnon

With another NFL Sunday in the books, the now 5-1 Dallas Cowboys are rising up the power ranks of football fans everywhere. And, as a lifelong Cowboys fan, this is extremely problematic. Don’t get me wrong, I’d much rather be 5-1 than 1-5, but I also understand that Cowboys fans are just getting built up only to be torn down in the most aggressive way possible.

See, when you’re a Cowboys fan, there actually is such thing as being “too good.” The fact that I really can’t identify any holes in this team is TERRIFYING. The offense is unstoppable, the pass rush is ruthless, Trevon Diggs is the best cornerback since Deion Sanders, and Mike McCarthy isn’t being THAT incompetent. Don’t get me wrong, he has his moments, but even average intelligence out of him is something to celebrate.

Soooooo, when and how is this thing gonna crash and burn? It’s the Cowboys, we’re not winning the Super Bowl, so I just wanna know what’s gonna happen to push me off a cliff this season. The fact that I have literally NOTHING negative to say about this team gives me more anxiety than when I have everything negative to say about this team. It’s like a toxic relationship where you’re so used to fighting with your partner that you just start arguments out of habit. I’m gonna start yelling at Dak Prescott for snap chatting other boys.

The scariest part is, I’m looking down the schedule and I really don’t see that many losses. I knew something is wrong when I looked at the Cowboys/Chiefs matchup in week 11 and went “win.” IN WHAT UNIVERSE SHOULD I BE THAT CONFIDENT????

Realistically, this team’s probably gonna finish the season with like a 14-3, 13-4 record, they’ll be the 2 seed in the NFC, just miss out on a buy, win a playoff game against a borderline playoff team, say the Vikings or 49ers. Then they’ll get all of our Super Bowl hopes up, only to get sodomized by Aaron Rogers in the second round of the playoffs. It’s just too predictable at this point.

See, if you can’t tell, what I’m actually trying to do here is set the bar low so it hurts less when this team inevitably suffers a gut-wrenching playoff loss. But in reality, my hopes are beyond sky-high. This team is so freaking good and I am in love with watching them every week. It’s Super Bowl or bust, which basically means I’m gonna be checking myself into my local insane asylum come January.

About the author

Noah Gagnon

19-year-old student. MMA Enthusiast. 2014 Bedminster Middle School Boys Mile Run Second Place. BJJ White Belt. Kind Guy.