Shocking News: Worlds Greatest Con Man And Fashion Icon Ben Simmons is OUT For Nets Must Win Game 4

In a SHOCKING turn of events and unforeseen twist, fashion icon and Brooklyn Nets guard Ben Simmons has been ruled out for the Nets must win game 4 against the Boston Celtics. It has been rumored that Simmons would return for either game 3 or game 4 of the Nets/Celtics first round series since he has been “ramping up” his conditioning and practices for months now. The Nets are down 0-3 and on the verge of being swept.

This dude has to be the softest player in sports history. He’s so scared to shoot the ball that he has just said fuck playing all together and just sits on the bench each night dressed as a bag of skittles. The guy has the greatest job in the world though, a job that requires you to NEVER actually work and collect boat loads of cash. Not a bad gig at all.

The Nets trading for this clown might be the worst trades of all time. I guess at least they got Seth Curry who’s a good shooter and Andre Drummond out of it but it doesn’t seem to matter as they are down 0-3 and about to get swept out of the first round. The Sixers front office and fans have to be laughing their asses off that they no longer have to deal with this soap opera.

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Tyler Walerius