Rutgers is going to have the biggest win in program history tomorrow

Written by Noah Gagnon

Another week, another “Rutgers is gonna shock the world blog.” But you know what? Tomorrow they’re actually gonna do it. We’re playing Michigan State, and they’re COMPLETE FRAUDS. They’re somehow the 11th ranked team in the nation, but their most impressive win came over a Miami team that’s playing with the competency of a local pop warner team. The Spartans only beat an atrocious Nebraska team by 3 in overtime, and somehow think they’re gonna come into Piscataway AKA the belly of the freaking beast (not really more like the belly of the mediocre) and win? GTFO.

I know we got hosed by OSU last weekend, but don’t forget, SCHIANO OWNS MICHIGAN STATE. Last year, in his first game back after the craziest offseason in football history, we savaged this team by like 17 points. Not to mention, that bum Mel Tucker thinks it’s ok to use the phrase ‘CHOP.’ Are you kidding me? It’s not like Schiano’s been saying that for literally the last 20 years. That’s 100% bulletin board material for the fellas, and Tucker’s gonna pay for that tomorrow. I’d be strongly in favor of Schiano running across the field before kickoff and slugging Mel in the gut just for saying CHOP. You don’t take another man’s catchphrase.

When we win tomorrow, there is a 100% chance the field is stormed. It’s gonna be the biggest Rutgers football win since 2007, and Piscataway is burning down afterwards. We’re gonna destroy this team. It’s gonna be a complete and utter savaging. If you’re a mother, and your son plays football for the Michigan State Spartans, do not watch the game tomorrow. We’re gonna bite his head off and bury it in the Raritan River. Rutgers by a million.

About the author

Noah Gagnon

19-year-old student. MMA Enthusiast. 2014 Bedminster Middle School Boys Mile Run Second Place. BJJ White Belt. Kind Guy.