North Carolina is Embarrassing and Should Stick to Football

Written by Noah Gagnon

I enjoy college football, I’m no expert, but I enjoy the sport, and honestly, I’m shocked at how absolutely terrible this North Carolina team is. They’re playing South Carolina in the Dukes Mayo Bowl right now, and they’re completely stinking it up. I’m writing this at the conclusion of the 1st quarter, and it’s currently 18-0 South Carolina.

This is just embarrassing. Completely embarrassing. This UNC team can’t get a stop, they can’t move the ball, they’re playing with zero intensity, and they look like a freaking high school team. Howell! What are you doing? Isn’t this guy supposed to be like a first-round pick next year? Why’s he so awful today?

Now, do I really care that much about the North Carolina football team? No. Absolutely not. But what I do care about, and what I am passionate for, is 11am Thurday football. That’s sacred, man. Do you know how many people are sitting in cubicles right now, with the Dukes Mayo Bowl being the only thing standing between them and crippling end-of-year depression? A lot. A lot of people. We deserve more than an 18-0 first quarter. Just give us a game, man.

Now, I think it’s important to look into whether or not this performance is Mayonaise-related. The winning coach gets a bucket of mayo dumped on his head. I don’t want a spoonful of Mayo on my sandwich, let alone a bucket of it on my head, so maybe Mack Brown’s just throwing this so he doesn’t have to deal with that.

About the author

Noah Gagnon

19-year-old student. MMA Enthusiast. 2014 Bedminster Middle School Boys Mile Run Second Place. BJJ White Belt. Kind Guy.