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New Orleans Pizza is Trash

Written by Noah Gagnon

As a New Jerseyan, I’m a self-admitted pizza snob. We have the best pizza in the country, we just do. A lot of people say it’s about the water or something and maybe that’s it, or maybe it’s the passion we put into the pizza, I don’t know. But what I do know is that we dominate the United States pizza market.

My parents live in Florida and their pizza tastes like a war crime, Chicago kinda knows what they’re doing but deep dish is just stupid, I’ve never been to California but they’re probably just too cool for pizza, and New Orleans… ohh New Orleans. I had their pizza for the first time today and WOW was it horrific.

The cardboard and cheese that my high school passed off for pizza were legitimately ten times better than the slop I just ate in New Orleans. The crust tasted like a piece of wheat bread that was dropped in a hotel pool. The cheese was like weird and chunky, almost as if it was a sort of spoiled milk. And, they didn’t even put sauce, so it was just dry and stale. I would’ve rather eaten a homeless mans socks. Not really, that would’ve definitely been grosser.

But I guess this is what I get for going to New Orleans and just getting pizza and not getting anything cajun-related. Won’t make that mistake twice. Also, the establishment where I ordered the pizza was serving like 75 different flavors of daquiri’s behind the pizza, so maybe the food wasn’t their main concern.

About the author

Noah Gagnon

19-year-old student. MMA Enthusiast. 2014 Bedminster Middle School Boys Mile Run Second Place. BJJ White Belt. Kind Guy.