New Jersey is gonna get slaughtered by this storm

You know, just when you start recovering from hurricane number one, hurricane number two sneaks up on you and beats you over the back of the head. First, COVID comes and decides that New Jersey is an ideal location to completely sodomize, then, just as Fauci’s gaining some momentum jabbing everyone with devil vaccines, Hurricane Ida comes along and drowns the entire freaking state. And now, just as the puddles are finally drying up from Ida, we’re right back into a state of emergency. Thanks, Murphy.

I’d love to talk to the impending hurricane and just be like “hey man, could you just like not?” I don’t feel like being without power for a week. Believe it or not, it’s actually pretty un-ideal. Do you know what would be sick? If my car isn’t underwater when I walk outside in the morning. That would be nice. And, I could actually do without my basement flooding, or the highway being indefinitely closed. Call me greedy, I know, but I still feel like it’s not too much to ask for.

And, it doesn’t help that many of New Jersey’s delightful municipalities literally work with the urgency of a handicapped sloth. I go to Rutgers, and the basement of the library is STILL flooded from the storm, so a second one might just take this place out for good. I honestly should just start the transfer process now. Again, I blame Murphy. Fix the hurricane problem, dork.

About the author

Noah Gagnon

19-year-old student. MMA Enthusiast. 2014 Bedminster Middle School Boys Mile Run Second Place. BJJ White Belt. Kind Guy.