With the coronapocalypse still in full swing, we at Pro Sports Extra are always working to provide you with diversions from the news or the screaming kids in the background. Whether it’s our keen analysis of North Korea’s geopolitical situation (“Is Kim Yo Jong Office Hot?“), inspirational quotes to help you through your days (“Cans for the Coronapocalypse”), or home remedies (“What’s the Best Disinfectant to Ingest?“), there’s something for everyone.
Now it’s time for some madcap fun as I introduce a new feature, “Ask Dinosaur Dave” in which an out-of-touch grumpy writer (my sources are telling me he’s a dirtsheet writer looking to make some extra bucks with a side hustle) answers your questions on a number of personal issues ranging from dating to personal problems to family strife. Feel free to send your questions so Dinosaur Dave can solve your personal problems, much as he does the problems of the wrestling industry!
Dear Dinosaur Dave: I just don’t know what to do with my boyfriend. We’re both in our 20s and trying to keep our relationship healthy while we’re stuck in the house. Recently, I caught him sending dick pics to the neighbor’s 16-year-old daughter but he told me his phone was hacked. I’ve overlooked other problems like his ex-gf who turned out to be a Nazi, but I’m confused. What is your advice? Becky L.
Dear Becky: I’ve got a lot of questions out there looking for answers. On the surface, it doesn’t look good for him. We’ll see… it’s a tough one. It could be real bad, but we don’t know. I mean, you know he denies it, so who knows?
Dear Dinosaur Dave: My common-law husband Ryan was inspired by the SmackDown hacker storyline and installed surveillance cameras in our neighbors’ home when they took their annoying dog for a walk. Recently, I was watching The Young and the Restless when something cut into Victor Newman’s latest machinations and I saw a video of Mrs. R going “all in” on her husband Mr. R with a strap-on. At first, I was mad that I couldn’t finish watching my daytime dramas (I told Mr. S.he’d better not interrupt My 600-Pound Life or 90-Day Fiancee as the season finales are coming up soon), but this video did give me some hope. Truthfully, Dinosaur Dave, the love life has been in the shitter even before the coronapocalypse left us stuck in the house and the idea of feeling what it’s like to have some full gear of my own fascinates me. Should I go for it? Mrs. S.
Dear Mrs. S: Two schools of thought here. This could be creative and interesting, but this could also be a train wreck. I could be wrong about the train wreck thing. As for your neighbors, yes, they’ve been creative and thinking outside the box. I think this box… maybe they should have stayed inside the box for this one? We’ll wait and see, I’m hoping for the best.