If you read this and get mad about the clickbait title, you have no legs to stand on. If you actually think that naughty photos of the US president were leaked, you’re the idiot, not me for making the headline. Well, ok, I guess I am too, but so are you. Now, let’s talk about the real pressing matter, and that’s my affinity for the state of Florida.

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Simply put, this state rules. I’m a full-time New Jersey resident and frequent Florida visitor, and I really understand why every New Jerseyan and their mother decided to move down here in the last few years. It’s warmer, it’s sunnier, there’s no rules or regulations to speak of, and the vibes are just absolutely immaculate. Everyone down here is happy, and I mean everyone. Today the cashier at Target conversed with me about our favorite flavors of high noon. In New Jersey, you’re content if the Target cashier doesn’t spit on your sneakers as she rings up your purchase, but here they’re actually kind to you.

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And mentally, I am a changed man when I’m down here. In my natural environment, I’m not exactly a basket case, but I’m also far from being a completely sane individual, but when I’m in Florida I don’t have a problem in the damn world. It’s literally like my life in New Jersey doesn’t exist when I’m here. Besides my close friends and family, nobody else even pops into my mind, all stress I ever have is alleviated, and I’m just happy. Something about this Florida sunshine, man.

Take today, for example. It’s December 23rd, and I’m driving a golf cart in 65-degree weather thinking to myself “literally nothing in the world matters.” I was, and am, a completely free man. Seriously think I could just come down here, get a job at a Publix or something, live off the land and just be the best version of myself. Florida, baby.

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