It took me all day to compartmentalize the traumatic experience that went down on the gridiron today, but I’ve finally accepted reality. The Dallas Cowboys suck. And I’m not talking about the kind of suck where they’re 8-8 when they should be 12-4, I’m not talking about the kind of suck when they don’t convert a two minute drill in a primetime game, they’re worse than that. This is legitimately a bottom 3 team in the NFL.
Fuck off, KD. Now, I’d say Washington was a bottom 5 team in the league coming into today, and we made them look like the fucking 2013 Seahawks, so we’re a spot below them AT BEST. Lets compare Dallas to some other bottom-feeder teams this season, shall we?
New York Giants: They’d beat us like Washington did.
Jacksonville: Gardener Minshew would look like Peyton Manning against our defense. Blowout.
Cincinatti: They put up 33 points against an above average defense today. They’d beat us by 40, and they will in week 14.
Jets: Maybe, Maybe, Maybe, Maybe, MAYBE, we beat the Jets. And I say that with such little certainty its depressing.
This team sports a defense that couldn’t stop Arlington High School, an offense that would struggle to put up ten points against a ghost defense, and is lead a man with the competency level of an autistic slot. They are undisciplined, unmotivated, and downright untalented. The holes in this franchise are gaping, and not even Jerry Jones’ enormous pockets can fill them.
Where to go from here? You start by just punting on the entire season. I know they’re still only a half-game out of first in the NFC Beast, but c’mon, they have no shot of doing anything, despite the horrendous division. Luckily, going 0-9 the rest of the way shouldn’t take much effort, as no team they play going forward is worse than the Washington team that tit-fucked us today, so I think we can pencil in 2-14, maybe 3-13 if we get hot.
Once we finish 2-14, you gotta hope the Jets claw their way to 3-13, and we get the first pick, allowing us to grab Trevor Lawrence. Once we do, Jerry Jones needs to burn down the offices of every member of the coaching staff, hire a semi-competent individual to coach this group (that I actually still think has some talent), and hope Trevor can bring us to the promise land.
At the start of this season, I picked the Cowboys to win the Super Bowl, by week 7, I’m praying that they’re shitty enough to draft Trevor Lawrence. Welcome to Dallas Cowboy fandom.