If you know every little fact of the Johnny Depp and Amber Heard case, your sex life is in a crisis. Stop spending your extra time reading about these two lunatics and their dysfunctional relationship. I know not everyone has a wonderful sex life, but damn, why not?
I know most women have gone stiff, ladies repeat this one with me, “You aren’t a hoe if you are having hoe like sex with your husband!” Y’all want to stare at me in the car line, or whisper about me at my kids cheerleading games, and that’s fine, but I just had a quickie before I went to get in the pickup line at school. And you should have woke up and rolled over to a spouse you like looking at and asked for one yourself.
It’s the off season, and if you are a huge football fan like me, you’re freaking dying right now because baseball is not going to cut it, basketball playoffs are boring, and we all love hockey, but our heart needs that Saturday morning SEC nation and Samantha Ponder on a Sunday. The only thing to do, is send the kids out to play, put them to bed early, and go have closet sex. Go help each other bang a quickie out in the bathroom while telling your kids, who are banging at the door that you’re helping your spouse poop, so they are so disgusted they leave you alone for a minute. Put the effort back into each other and stop making excuses. If your wife is a bitch, do something nice, get the honey do list done, and sit with her awhile. I promise eventually it’ll help you more than just one Saturday of sex because you helped her. Plus it’s off season, so once football rolls around, she will be happy to let you watch your game without all the extra bitching a fit.
All a woman really wants is that sexy stallion she remembers you to be when you were dating. And if she doesn’t, I sext on OnlyFans!