Today, my savior Kevin Wayne Durant turns 33. That marks 33 years to the day when this world became one worth living in. This is a guy who’s 7’4, handles the ball like a guard, shoots like a splash brother, and defends like a linebacker. If you don’t wanna wish that guy a happy birthday, the problem is you.
I’ve really thought it over, and I don’t think there’s one thing that KD could ask me to get him for his birthday that I’d say no to. You want a kidney? All yours. Lobster freshly caught from the Mediterranean sea? Get me on a god damn boat. A verbal history of the UFC lightweight division, and how we’re still feeling the lingering effects of his bout with Mayweather? Well that one’s just right up my alley. I would do ANYTHING for this man. Literally anything, and he hasn’t even won me a championship yet.
So how do you think he’s celebrating? He’s been known to have a soft spot for ladies in the adult film industry, so we can only hope he’s gonna find himself on the right side of a bed with a professional if you know what I’m saying. Or he might just fire off a few sarcastic tweets and call it a night. 33 years can mellow a man.
