BLOG Coronavirus

Italy’s Common Sense Solution to Social Distancing: Flamethrowers

Written by Mike Rickard II

At a time when all you hear about are people hoarding toilet paper and slowing down Netflix, it’s good to hear some inspirational stories.

Major props to Italian mayor Vincenzo De Luca. De Luca, the mayor of Campania. Mayor De Luca has had enough of people flouting the COVID-19 quarantine. Hizzoner reportedly said “I’m getting news that some [people] would like to throw graduation parties. We will send police. With flamethrowers.”

Don’t say it can’t happen here!

Hizzoner isn’t the only sensibly-minded mayor in plague-ridden Italy. Things are so bad that someone compiled a greatest rants video of Italian mayors calling out the citizenry.

Consider these comments from mayor Massimiliano Presciuttii, who presides over the city Reggio Calabria:

“Where the f*** are you all going? You and your dogs… which must have an inflamed prostate?” The mayor reportedly approached one dogwalker. “I stopped him and said, ‘Look, this isn’t a movie. You are not Will Smith in I Am Legend. Go home.”

What Would Mussolini Do?

Not since Il Duce made the trains run on time have Italian leaders taken such a common-sense approach to solving problems. Sadly, Germany’s leadership is lacking a similar leadership style, but give it time. As any student of history will tell you, Mussolini was ahead of his time in the socio-political arena after World War One, but Uncle Adolph quickly caught up with things. Italy may be an also-ran on the international stage, but these new tactics could see to a rebirth of the glory days of Pax Romana. If Italy’s mayors follow through on their threats, people will be doing the five to”Giovinezza”.

The Italian mayor’s Fahrenheit-451-like use of firemen is the kind of can-do attitude we need in the U.S. With the United States now leading the world in coronavirus cases and people still partying on beaches and hitting their favorite booze cruise, should the U.S. adopt a similar approach? Considering how every arm of the federal government has armed response units (such as the Department of Agriculture’s much-needed SWAT team) why don’t we give them some much-needed tactical experience? I’m not advocating we go all Kent State on those crazy kids defying quarantine, just give them a warning shot with the flame thrower. Put it on pay-per-view and people will have even more reason to stay home.

Special shout-out to Paul Joseph Watson who reported this story. His politics may be right of Attila the Hun, but at least he’s breaking the stories that really matter (at least when he’s not selling Turbo Force).

About the author

Mike Rickard II

Retired bank robber and author of "Wrestling's Greatest Moments", "Laughing All the Way to the Bank Robbery, "Flunky: Pawns and Kings," and "Don't Call Me Bush Beans: The Legend of a Three-Legged Cat." Pro wrestling and hockey fan. Hired gun for several pro wrestling sites and a top 10 YouTube wrestling channel. Available in regular and extra-strength.