How to get laid on Valentines.

Written by Sara Cheek

Everyone’s favorite Hallmark holiday is coming up. And if you have been following up on the Hallmark Channel you’ll know exactly what your woman wants. If you haven’t, you’re my people. But I’m not going to leave you hanging!

Ladies, if you actually think men want to cuddle up with you in your fuzzy socks while watching love actually, you are freaking insane. This is a two-way street. I’m not trying to be mean, I want you to have the best sex of your life. But in order for that to happen, I’ve got to let you in on a little secret. If you haven’t been having sex for fun with your man, you should try it. He does not care one ounce about the cellulite on your ass, trust me. Work with what you have and let your inner lioness out.

Basically, it’s all about trade in a relationship. Unfortunately, this is where we are at as a society. Marry the man that can provide, pick the girl who will be a good mom. Kudos to the Karen’s and Steve’s, but everyone has to have sex at some point. If you are like me, you marry the person who can’t stop getting you pregnant cause you screw like rabbits. So, men, here is how to get what you want on Valentine’s.

Buy her lingerie, perfume, a sexy satin robe, and diamonds. This is for the man who wants to have some romantic candlelight sex.

Buy her the neverful Louis Vuitton and put some lace panties inside. This is for the baller wanting a good bang out session.

Buy her lace panties, chocolate, roses, and take her to dinner. Now, this is for someone who’s on a budget. You will have some wonderful sex if you make this night all about her.

Lastly, if you are trying to have spectacular sex, compliment her the entire night, tell her how much she means to you, take her to a beautiful dinner or make a fantastic dinner at home with rose petals and candles everywhere, buy her a vibrator (if you really want to get freaky) or some edible chocolate that you can lick off each other. Tonight is the night for you to connect and make it completely about each other.

If you are married or dating someone completely non-sexual, and you haven’t had sex in weeks, get her a card and roses. I’ll run a wonderful special for my OnlyFans and post something truly amazing that weekend, so you’re not screwed!

About the author

Sara Cheek

I’m a hockey mom, wife, cover model, and OnlyFans top creator. I love football, beer, and chicken wings!