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Giant Bags of Money Found Under Toilet in Joel Osteen’s Church

Written by Noah Gagnon

Yeah. Read that headline again. Absolutely awesome, right? A plumber was fixing a loose toilet in Osteen’s Houston church and reportedly found roughly $600,000 in cash and checks underneath the toilet. Apparently, the money was stolen from a safe in the church back in 2014, and was hidden in the walls to be discovered 7 years later.

A lot of people are up in arms about this claiming that Joel is ripping everyone of blah, blah, blah. But, honestly, I think Joel is the freaking man. The guy lives on a compound, drives like 15 different Ferraris, stashes half a milly in cash under his toilet, and all in the name of our Lord and savior. They say you can’t fit a camel through the eye of a needle, whatever that means, but it really seems like Joel’s figured that one out.

And to anyone legitimately mad about this, you really gotta look in the mirror. If you rose to the levels of success and fame that Joel did, you’d definitely be buying yourself all this stuff. And, I just really don’t get the issue with what he’s doing. What, can you not love Jesus but also whip a sick Ferrari??? Shit, if Jesus comes back and goes to see Joel are they supposed to ride around town in a Honda Accord? No. The guys been gone for what, 2021 years? When he comes back he probably just wants to flex some racks and see what 800 horsepower feels like, and Joel’s gonna be able to hook him up. The guy rules.

About the author

Noah Gagnon

19-year-old student. MMA Enthusiast. 2014 Bedminster Middle School Boys Mile Run Second Place. BJJ White Belt. Kind Guy.