Coronavirus

Fatal Flatus? Can Farts Spread Coronavirus?

Written by Mike Rickard II

The normally hilarious biological phenomenon known as farting and the pure comedy gold of the coronapocalypse seem like the perfect mix for mega-laughs, but if two Australian doctors are correct, no one will be laughing. According to a recent story at The New York Post, two doctors believe that the coronavirus may be spread by farts. Dr. Norman Swan shared this with the listeners on his “Coronacast” podcast:

No bare-bottom farting,” Swan advised about posterior pandemic panic, in a measured, mildly amused tone.

“Luckily, we wear a mask, which covers our farts all the time,” Swan said, referring to the protective aspects of pants, shorts, dresses, underwear and other garments. “I think that what we should do in terms of social distancing and being safe is that … you don’t fart close to other people, and that you don’t fart with your bottom bare.”

A simple bodily function could be a death sentence now.

Another Aussie doctor, one Andy Tagg speculated whether our body’s often-odiferous emanations might spread COVID-19, something he thought of while researching the nature of aerosol-generating procedures .

According to an article at The Sun, Tagg “cited tests that revealed the virus was present in the feces of 55 per cent of patients with Covid-19.”

The article also mentioned that “And medics have previously warned farts contain tiny poo particles that can spread bacteria.”

Like many things about the coronavirus, we just don’t know who or what to believe. At this point, there’s no known peer-reviewed studies on flatulence and the spread of COVID-19.

A case where the phrase “the silent killer” could take on new meaning.

However, what do we know about farting? Thankfully, quite a lot thanks to science. The website Healthline has this to say:

Whether they’re loud or silent, stinky, or odorless, everyone farts. Doctors say the average person farts anywhere from 5 to 15 times per day. Farting is a normal part of digestion that reflects the activity of the bacteria in your gut. You might also notice that you fart more when you eat certain foods that are more difficult to digest, such as beans or raw vegetables.

If the coronavirus is spread by cutting the cheese, it won’t be the first time someone letting one rip caused someone to croak. Incredibly, a tale from ancient times reveals how a Roman soldier reportedly broke wind, causing a riot that killed 10,000 people.

Redd Foxx’s immortal words of wisdom

Until we know for certain, people not only need to practice social distancing but to do so while spreading the stench. The once-hilarious game of having someone pull your finger could be akin to Russian Roulette. If you’re WWE announcer Charly Caruso and you dig the taste sensation of Taco Bell, you’re just asking for trouble.

Stay safe and stay away.

About the author

Mike Rickard II

Retired bank robber and author of "Wrestling's Greatest Moments", "Laughing All the Way to the Bank Robbery, "Flunky: Pawns and Kings," and "Don't Call Me Bush Beans: The Legend of a Three-Legged Cat." Pro wrestling and hockey fan. Hired gun for several pro wrestling sites and a top 10 YouTube wrestling channel. Available in regular and extra-strength.