China has literally created a complete superathlete to destroy mankind

Written by Noah Gagnon

I think China’s plan of world domination is really coming to fruition. A global pandemic started in their homeland, they did something with trade that I’m not smart enough to understand, and now they literally have the best athlete on the planet. Zhang Ziyu is a 14 YEAR OLD 7’4 GIRLS BASKETBALL PLAYER. 7’4!!!!!!!!!!! 14 YEARS OLD!!!!!!!!! Look at this beast.

Is this not the scariest thing you’ve ever seen? Look at that tip-off! This girl just has “alpha” dripping off of her entire body. She’s 14! Literally, what can anybody do to stop her. At 7’4 this girl can score whenever she wants, grab every single rebound, and block every single shot. There should never be a reason for someone on her team to even touch the ball unless it’s to pass it to her.

Can you imagine how nice it is to play on a team with this girl? Just throw the ball up to the tree on the low block and she’ll lay it off the glass for a bucket every single time. Don’t worry, none of these 5’5 Chinese kids are ever gonna come close to contesting her jumper. It’s probably even nicer on defense. Got beat by your man? No fear, there’s literally a skyscraper standing in the paint just waiting to swat the ball 20 rows into the stands.

What do you think the future holds for her? I imagine she could dominate the WNBA if she wanted to right now, let alone when she’s of age. For reference, she’s already 2 inches taller than the WNBA’s tallest player, and 7 inches taller than the second tallest, so I imagine she’d be an all-star if she played this season. But honestly, why waste her talents in the WNBA, China should just use her as a complete war machine. She’s a 7’4 middle school girl, so I imagine she’s got some sort of superpowers already. I don’t know what the future holds for her, but I’d bet it has something to do with world destruction and domination.

About the author

Noah Gagnon

19-year-old student. MMA Enthusiast. 2014 Bedminster Middle School Boys Mile Run Second Place. BJJ White Belt. Kind Guy.