Avengers (of football)…Assemble. Pt 2/3

Written by Matt Chasteen

I think it is safe to say that we have all now seen Marvel’s Avengers: Endgame. If you haven’t, I feel sorry for you and your sad life. Get out from under the rock, man. While writing my last blog about missing the glory days of high school football, I was also hearing a conversation about the re-release of Endgame. Thoughts swirled, as they are known to do, and I thought, with minicamps and OTA’s in full swing, “What if Thanos had challenged The Avengers to a regulation football game at a local high school? What would that team look like?”

Last time, we took a look at the high power offense.  Today, we take a look at arguably, the best defense to ever lace them up.


DT: “Hulk Buster Iron Man” Tony Stark: We may have to check with the officials on the uniform change here, but the ultimate run stopper is Tony in the Hulk Buster. Maneuverability may be suspect, but it is still fairly agile and has the ability to take on the Hulk. Granted, the only real test will come in scrimmages in practice from The Hulk Himself, tony really boosts this defense.
DT: Drax The Destroyer: The mean streak carries over to the defensive side of the ball. I’m thinking really old school Alex Karras mean. Eye gouging, finger breaking, biting mean. And of course, stabbing.
DE: Hulk Bruce Banner: Speed, agility, strength, great vertical. Will be a huge disruption to any quarterback. Come to think of it… “Hulk smash Brady” has a great ring to it.
DE: Thor Odinson: His physical attributes are almost on par with The Hulk but with a smaller frame. Thor would make the quintessential Edge for today’s game. Putting the hammer down on QB’s, shocking offenses with his ability to stop the outside run and ability to fly back into coverage.
MLB: Captain America Steve Rodgers: This is where Cap truly shines and his leadership is on full display. The quarterback of the defense, the shield of the team, defending sideline to sideline like nobody can. He will lift you up and make you dig deeper in yourself than you ever thought possible. She will always let you know when he is on your left and the football pants will, without a shadow of a doubt, prove that that, is in fact, America’s ass.
OLB: War Machine James Rhodes: Some point to his failure to protect the President as the Iron Patriot, but people forget, He recovered and ended up saving him. COntastantly in the shadow of Tony Stark’s Iron Man, Rhodes has a huge chip on his shoulder. And if the chip doesn’t stop the option, the fucking machine gun in his shoulder will.
OLB: Winter Soldier Buckey Barnes: Cap’s best friend, these two are meant to play side by side. The chemistry is unreal, as if they have known each other since WWII. There are cries of PED’s, but in reality, Bucky is an amputee playing better than you, with a prosthetic. Could draw comparisons to Oscar Pistorius.
CB: Captain Marvel Carol Danvers: Agility. Toughness. Reads the QB’s eyes well and can tell whether he is going deep or just a shapeshifter. Not afraid to go up for the jump balls.
CB: Black Widow Natasha Romanoff: The quickness in her hips makes adjusting coverage on dime look like child’s play. Fluent in several languages, Nat has a clear strategic advantage in international play. Was a spy Scout for NFL Europe. It will shock you how much bite she has.
SS: Black Panther King T’Challa- While Absorbing hits on offense, T’Challa uses that momentum to dish it out hard on the other side of the ball. The man has grit despite his royal blood.
FS: Spiderman Peter Parker- He can literally cover the entire stadium. Nothing is out of reach for Peter. He can swing from sideline to sideline with easy. Friendly in the neighborhood, but a menace in the secondary.

About the author

Matt Chasteen