Apparently There’s a Cell Phone Releasing with a 50-Day Battery Life

Cell phones have arguably become one of the most, if not THE most, important invention ever. And it’s not even close either. Yeah indoor plumbing and microwaves are pretty cool I guess, but I have zero problem with shitting outside. You find me some quality shrubbery with a couple soft leaves to clean up after and I’m golden. I’ll go shit in the chrysanthemums all day long.

But you take cell phones away from approximately 100% of people who have them??

The world would go CRAZY without cell phones.

We wouldn’t know how to properly function as a society. Arguments would take place left and right. People would be brawling in the streets. I honestly think World War 3 would start within two weeks of everyone losing their phones because we’d realize we all hate each other equally. Just think of all the times your cell phone has saved you from some sort of public interaction.

Train rides. Bus rides. Dinner with family. Literally just walking down the street.

Cell phones save lives and keep every sane day after day. Without them strangers would… well they’d just talk to you probably. They’d spark up small talk about God knows what, only to piss you off by the second. With each syllable coming out of Jerry from Ohio’s mouth, the anger would grow by the second.

‘Oh you think my shoes look nice Jerry? No shit they look nice, that’s why I’m wearing them. Why would I wear ugly shoes huh? Do you think I’d wear ugly shoes? HUH JERRY? YOU WANTED TO TALK ABOUT MY SHOES JERRY. WELL LETS CHAT. NO I’M NOT OVERREACTING JERRY FUCK YOU.’
My blood was boiling just thinking about that made up scenario.

Public transportation SUCKS. Cell phones make it manageable.

So a cell phone with a 50-day battery life is one of the few things I believe all people can get behind. Even if it meant having to carry around a miniature brick everywhere I went… because this phone is thiccccccc.

I’m talking bowl of oatmeal thick.

Greek yogurt thick.

Stripper from the South thick.

via (@NoodleCakeGames) – Twitter

This phone by Energizer.. and I don’t even know if this could technically be classified as a phone because it basically is a bunch of 9-volt batteries glued together with a Wifi connection, but it would give each and every human a reason to wake up every morning, you know?

There’s no worse feeling than waking up in the morning, only to realize your phone has been laying along side you throughout the night lifeless. Days have been ruined because of this. Weeks have been ruined because of this.

I’m sure there’s some poor guy out there who missed one too many phone calls because his phone never charged and now he’s divorced.

I know for certain my life would improve drastically because of a 50-day battery life cell phone. I’d sleep like a baby knowing my phone will always have some sort of battery life. Shit I’d probably talk to my parents a little more too just because I’d have to use up 50 days worth of battery somehow. I’d have no choice but to call them and just chat about the trials and tribulations of life for hours on end, only to see my phone battery to go from 100% to 99%.

The only complaint I have about this phone is the battery life isn’t longer. Why stop at 50-days? If you’re designing a god damn unit of a cell phone battery, go all in. Make a 365-day battery so people can go a full year without worrying about their phone. Shit. Make a solar powered battery so I can use my phone forever. Cmon now it’s 2019. Someones gotta have the blueprint to get this done.

psssst… this is my first post for Pro Sports Extra
Here’s my Twitter if you want to follow me @NathenVieira

Please enable Javascript to view this content

About the author

Nate Vieira

Drop a Reply