Barstool Sports BLOG

500K Or Dinner With Dave Portnoy At Komodo, A Tough Choice, You Must Pick Wisely

Ah yes, the age old question of “500K or dinner with _____” it’s been a question to float the internet the past couple of years and the Portnoy name is now filling in that blank amongst stoolies. For me most of the time I scoff at these questions and say bring me the money you peasants, and I’ll admit when I saw the tweet I was thinking money boom. Then I took a deep dive into the outcomes of both possibilities and I realized the dinner is the obvious choice. I’m not a “dickrider” as the kids may call it I would say I’m far from that, I just think I have a bigger brain than most and I see the clear answer. Me and Dave, two big brains like that coming together would change the world for the better rather than me taking 500K.

I understand you could take the 500K and run and possibly invest or do big things with that money to multiply it, but to do that you must be quite smart and well most of the world today are mush brains. Dave Portnoy has grown Barstool to but a multi million dollar company because of his brain, I mean as he said “If you had my brain you’d have my budget.” With that saying it gets the brain juices flowing, I sit and start to wonder how do I get his brain? 500K doesn’t compare to his budget and it won’t buy his brain, so it leaves me with only one option. The dinner is the clear choice, now hear me out on these because I have points you fucks.

I know there are a good amount of cavemen who would take the dinner and dumb out because of the pressure and starstruckness, that is where you fuck up. You have to prepare, you have to get your mind right, so what you have to do is take adderall. I know it’s a dinner at a nice restaurant so they will have great food and you should eat but fuck that, you’re there for Portnoys brain not the food. Adderall will enhance the mind for you, allowing better questions to pick apart his mind and learn, also you will focus so fucking hard you might out focus Dave. Also you will be able to just take that sweet ass meal home and eat it later because A) you’re broke you didn’t take 500k and B) because eating will take off the focus. Picking apart the mind is important but you also have to make a great impression, if he likes you there’s a big chance you get a job with him, if you get a job you can secure a job for life within Barstool and who doesn’t want a lifetime job at Barstool?

As you see my points are coming along and just making more sense, hopefully you are understanding the Portnoy effect. That isn’t all the benefits of this dinner, the possibility of guests are endless. First and foremost if Dave brings his girlfriend hopefully she brings girl friends, you know they are going to be some smokes and you’re having dinner with fucking Dave, instantly the fine friends will notice you. So now you have Dave’s attention, pretty females wanna get the kill on you and dinner is going good. Suddenly here comes David Gruttman and Jack from Twitter just strolling by and they want to stop and talk to their friend Dave Portnoy so they pop a squat. Now you have Portnoy, Gruttman and Jack all in front of you ready to give off knowledge that’ll get you richer than running successful Ponzi Schemes.

If you do everything correctly in that dinner you could potentially walk away with a job at barstool, more knowledge than your tiny brain could barely hold, a take home box of food to last you two days and a fine beaut on your arm. All that because you chose to have dinner with Dave over 500K, some things are just bigger than money and this right here, this is one of them. If you walk away reading this blog and you still don’t agree with the dinner option, I feel sorry for the tiny brain and small penis problems you deal with. Me on the other hand, I’ll be over here with my big brain and dick knowing I was right.

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